IC Inbox for Asgard Genesis

[lethechained]

Hello. Thank you for calling, and I'm sorry I wasn't here to answer.

[Pause.]

--Leave a message, please, if you want to.

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[lethechained]

[ Those are a lot of days to wonder.

It feels as though someone would tell her, if he didn't make it back. She tries to remind herself as much; Tuuri might have reason to, at least, though Naminé refrains with great effort from asking after him directly. Instead she keeps her mind as busy as her hands are, tending to as many wounds as she can among the soldiers and refugees. There's only so much she can do with the limitations of her powers, but she bandages until her fingers are sore and then goes back the next day to do it again. There's still so much activity, and it provides her a cold sort of comfort as she tries not to assume the worst.

But she nevertheless jumps to check the message that comes in when at last it arrives, heart quicker for it. The associated name is familiar, and with its recognition her worry for his life is replaced by a different manner of concern. Perhaps some people would be angry to have been left in the dark. For her, the first question is, ]

What happened?

[ It isn't her initial assumption that he was simply biding his time for no reason; there must have been some cause for his silence. He's not so careless as that, she thinks - and belatedly she hopes from a small, scarred part of her heart that he didn't just forget about writing her entirely. ]

[skittering]

it was better
not being anything


❰ it's not an answer to this, but it's an answer to something she asked and it'll have to do. ❱

[lethechained]

[ Oh.

The response can really only make her all the more driven to find out what went on, what had him that upset. But at the same time, it tells her enough to indicate that inquiring further that direction might not get her much of an answer. Despite the intensity of the frown she gives her screen and the furrow in her brow, she resists the urge to write some variation of the same message again. Instead, ]

Is that where you've been for the past few days?
Trying not to be anything?

[skittering]

no




maybe

❰ he doesn't know what he's been doing. not since emil came back. it's all kind of a static blur. ❱

emil died

❰ the message is sent before he really processes that he's typing it, and it's like the floor falls out from under him, more words tumbling out. ❱

came back but he's different. remembers all of it

everything's wrong now

[lethechained]

[ Just for a second, her stomach drops. She'd known people would die, but it's a sickening feeling when it's someone you're familiar with. It's only after a moment passes that she remembers those who were lost have returned, and by then Lalli's next messages are there and she leans in to read them, expression one of suppressed concern. Different? Abruptly she recalls the nature of the creatures they went to fight - but no, if it were like that she would have heard of it already, surely. ]

How is it wrong?

[ Her response is quick, maybe enough so to convey her worry. ]

Is he not himself?

[ He's changed, obviously - but how much? ]

[skittering]

❰ didn't he tell her? he doesn't die, everyone else does. and he let it happen. helped it happen. he deserves everything he's getting.

not that he can say that to her, of all people. ❱

distant. quieter

❰ lalli feels like he came in out of the freezing rain four days ago and hasn't dried off since. there's a damp ache in his bones. ❱

[lethechained]

[ The lack of details does make it a challenge to know exactly where Lalli's head is at the moment. It's not hard to recognize that he's troubled by the situation, but without knowing more-- ]

Do you think maybe he just needs time?

It must be very strange, being dead and then alive again.

[ Anyone, surely, would be at risk for preoccupation after a traumatic experience like that. All the more so, maybe, because of the context of that particular battle. ]

[skittering]

❰ he doesn't think emil needs time. the swede has been through so many horrible things since they've met, and not a single one of them made him pull away from lalli.

but of course she thinks that. he hasn't mentioned the most important detail. ❱

remembers me killing him

[lethechained]

[ That is an important detail.

And for a second Naminé almost considers whether or not that memory is correct, because she's spent more time changing those kinds of things herself than watching friends actually manage to kill each other. But then the implications of the battle itself catch up with her a fraction of a second later, and she sucks in a breath which presses her mouth closed, chest tight with sympathy and a strange coldness of dread. ]

You had to

[ There's no other explanation, is there? Not unless she's gravely misunderstood his relationship with Emil. ]

didn't you?

[skittering]

no

❰ that's something he's come to realize since he did it. he didn't have to. he could've found a different god, even if honir wasn't there. he could've led emil back to asgard, if he had to. there were options, so so many options besides stabbing his closest friend in the skull. ❱

thought i did

[lethechained]

No?

[ There were a lot of disturbing implications that could be taken from that 'no'. But it's hard for her to imagine any of them being legitimate; surely there's not other reason Lalli would want to kill his friend, not when he sounds so troubled by the whole situation. The message that comes thereafter puts any temporary fears to rest, however, though it does raise a lot of questions. Is it Lalli being too hard on himself, or is there really truth in that? ]

What else could you have done?
I've always heard that there's no other way to stop someone once

[ They've already died, already been taken over; she struggles with it a moment, then adds on the same line before she sends it, ]

they're on the other side.

[skittering]

could've found a god
waited for honir even


but i didn't

and he remembers

[lethechained]

You only did what you thought you had to.

[ He's said as much himself, but it feels as though he needs reminding. She knows how easy it can be to blame oneself, so-- ]

If you hadn't someone else might have gotten hurt.

[ Like Lalli himself, for instance - but it was made pretty clear how dangerous undead of that sort could be to anyone around them. ]

Have you talked to Emil about it?

[ Sure, he's said that Emil remembers, but that doesn't convince her they've talked about it, not really, especially considering Lalli's pretty taciturn at the best of times. ]

[skittering]

❰ has he talked to emil, she asks, as if it's that simple. it's almost jarring to him, that talking about something is the simpler answer for once, but that's the mess this has become.

no, they haven't talked about it. ❱

doesn't want to talk

❰ lalli's not entirely sure emil wants anything to do with him, at this point. ❱

[lethechained]

[ Doesn't want to talk? On the one hand, it's understandable for someone not to want to discuss trauma so soon - but on the other, that could be a... less than ideal sign. Her teeth worry her lip, even as the upper one presses against it. ]

How do you know?

[skittering]

❰ it's obvious, in so many ways. ways that lalli can feel in his gut and his lungs and his throat and the nerves behind his eyes. ways that he doesn't know how to explain. ❱

he just doesn't

[lethechained]

[ She isn't inclined to question it; Lalli would know better than she would, wouldn't he? By virtue of being more familiar with Emil, if not for having actually been in his presence. But for her, it's hard to imagine feeling that way - she'd have wanted to talk to him the moment she came back from the dead. ]

What about you?
Do you want to talk to him?

[skittering]

dunno anymore

❰ sorry, namine. this is just... a mess that he shouldn't have dragged you into. ❱

[lethechained]

[ Oh, dear. While she doesn't really believe that this would end their friendship, it's a bad place for both the boys to be in - though perhaps she has more faith in such relationships after having seen so many strong bonds in her life. (Nevermind that they always belonged to other people.) Whether it's her mess or not, she's in it now, and it's unconscionable to her to do anything but try to help however she can. So she points out, ]

You'll have to talk eventually.

[ She hopes. ]

Right?
Even if it's hard for both of you, you can't ignore each other forever.

[ Which. Isn't so much her telling him to do something about it as making a prediction, honestly. But that's not really a solution, so she tries, ]

Maybe it would help to think about what you'd say to him if the two of you did want to talk.
That way you can at least be sure how you feel.

[ Even if how Emil's feeling is a bit harder to determine. ]

[skittering]

maybe that's what he wants

❰ but he's said it too late, after other things have been said, so he'll clarify: ❱

to ignore each other forever

[lethechained]

[ Even without the clarification, the message makes her pause. It sounds like an insecurity talking, and yet at the same time Naminé knows all too well that without being more familiar with their relationship, she oughtn't really be assuming anything. But somehow it doesn't feel quite right to accept that fear as the reality of the situation, either.

Maybe Sora's finally rubbing off on her. ]

He's your friend.

[ Which could be taken a lot of different ways, really. Does that mean she doubts Emil would reject him so readily, or that Lalli would know better than she would what's likely? Both are true, honestly. But either way, ]

Do you really believe that's the kind of person he is?

[ It's one thing to say it to yourself in your head, but entirely another to put it into words on the outside. On a certain level, to do so is to impugn the other's character. ]

sorry so late. i want to hit her up on something more recently to remedy this disaster thread

[skittering]

wasn't. but he's different now

AHH NO WORRIES I gotchu bruh. Just tell me where you want shenanigans and I shall make it happen.

[lethechained]

[ Keenly aware though she is that Lalli's the one who ought to know his friend better, it still seems... wrong, somehow, to make such an assumption. ]

People do change sometimes
especially when something awful happens to them.

But I'm not sure he'd change that much so quickly.
Haven't you been friends for a pretty long time now?

[ As long as she's known Lalli, at the very least, and probably longer if they're from the same world. While that's not quite so great a time period in the grand scheme of things as it could be, she figures that at least-- ]

He must know by now that you wouldn't have hurt him if you didn't think you had to.

[ Which would be enough for her not to blame Lalli, at least, if she were in Emil's position - and that's what makes it so hard for her to imagine that he wouldn't want anything to do with Lalli at all even after such an incident. ]